


They called themselves the Marauders

by SophieSays



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 04:22:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28825158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophieSays/pseuds/SophieSays
Summary: This is a fictional story which attempts to follow the marauders school years through the first Wizarding war. It is as close to cannon as possible with a few minor adjustments in place to help readers make better sense of character motivation which will eventually lead to the story of the boy we all know and love as Harry Potter.I am looking for Beta readers/editors to help me along with this (and to keep me motivated!) I have spent a lot of time planning and thinking through how this story will progress, but I am always in need of suggestions (or corrections if I mess up characters ages families etc!)
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & James Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter & Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 7
Kudos: 3





	1. The Train to Hogwarts

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Before you read on I'd like to say a few things, first; thank you for deciding to read this, I'm putting a lot of work into it and I want it to be as enjoyable as possible. 
> 
> Second; I've never read all the young dudes, I say this because I want it to be as clear as possible that anything I write here was not ripped off from their story! I've heard great things about it and I wouldn't at all want to take from their hard work! 
> 
> Third; I'm a student and currently moving so updates will probably be slow, however feel free complain in the comments if I take too long 
> 
> With that out of the way, I hope you enjoy the first chapter, I decided to write it from Peter Pettigrew's point of view because I wanted to explore a perspective I've never seen anyone take on before. I plan on doing Remus Lupin's perspective as well in following chapters!

“Pete, you missed a button!” I glare at Alice as she looks over my shoulder into the mirror. She never bothers to knock, just barges in like a right old tosser. I’ve complained about it to mum, but she gets a good tellin’ off then goes right back to doing it, so there’s not much point in complaining. I fix my button, even if it makes my ears go red cause she’s watchin. It’s no good being the younger brother of such a no-it-all, mum’s always so proud of her because she’s got good marks in school. Even in prep schools when she was little she’s been smarter than everyone in her class. “See, you look real smart for your first day now!”   
“Nobody’ll see it under my robes.” I mumble, but Alice isn’t listening, she’s busy looking through my trunk, I have it open on my bed, I’ve been making sure I’ve got everything I need. I know mum can send an owl if I’ve missed anything, but I want her to know I’m responsible, not just a little kid anymore. “Get out of there!” I run over, shoving at her hands as she rummages through my things.  
“Just chekin you’ve not forgotten your drawers!” She teases, but she stops messing with my stuff, her hands going up in a gesture of surrender. Alice is two years older than me, it doesn’t sound like much. But thirteen compared to eleven seems like a world of difference to me. It doesn’t help that she’s rather mature for her age, I’m not stupid, but I’m not as sharp as she is. Mum says I’ll catch up once I start at Hogwarts, but I don’t believe her. Me and Alice couldn’t be more different if we tried. She’s tall, athletic, smart, she’s been called angelic by teachers. I’m short, I wouldn’t say fat, but I’m not skinny like she is, and I couldn’t be less athletic if I tried.   
“Pete.” She pulls my attention away from fixing the mess she made of my trunk. I’d just arranged it all before she came in the room too!  
“Huh?” I look at her face, I expect her soft smile, but she’s gone deadly serious, her brow all scrunched up like she’s thinkin real hard.   
“Hogwarts is a big place.” I nod, “It’s got a lot of other kids, older kids,” I nod again, not quite sure what she’s on about, “a lot of bullies.” Ah. I can feel my face fallin, I know what I look like, I know that sometimes I stutter, and that I have trouble pronouncing bigger words, I know I’m an easy target. I was in prep schools, why shouldn’t I be at Hogwarts? “I want you to come to me, if anyone bothers you.” Big sister to the rescue. I think she can read my mind, because she says exactly what I was about to think. “I know you don’t want your big sister to swoop in and embarrass you,” She pauses for a moment, looking me over like mum does sometimes. “But I will if there’s kids messin. I can hex em to high heaven for ya if you need.”   
She means well, she always has. I love her for it. Alice is my protector. And I know some people think I should be embarrassed by it, and maybe I am sometimes, but even if I can’t always admit it out loud, I never want her to stop lookin after me.   
“Okay?”   
“Okay.”   
“Good, I’m goin downstairs, we leave in five!” And as quickly as she burst in without knocking, she’s rushing out without closing the door behind her. I just stare after her for a moment. I’m nervous. Leavin home like this, it’s big. I don’t really have friends so I’ve never slept over anyone's house besides my gran’s, and she doesn’t count cause she’s my gran. Alice had done loads of times before she went off. I just don’t want to do anything embarrassing like get homesick, only sissys get homesick. That’s what Alice says anyway.   
I don’t think she meant me to hear her say it, she’d been talking with a friend over the summer, I overheard on accident. But even if she didn’t mean for me to hear it, she was probably thinkin about me when she said it. I don’t have the best track record when it comes to bein brave, but I want to try. I don’t want to be the sniveling little boy who needs his older sister to come get him every time someone picks on him.   
I finally get myself moving, one more quick check to see that I’ve got everything, It’ll have to be good enough. I slam the trunk shut and yank it off my bed onto the floor with a huge bang. It’s heavy. A glance in the mirror tells me my buttons are all in the right holes, and that I’m not brave. Not at all. Even if I tried to look brave I couldn’t. Blue eyes are supposed to remind people of oceans and skies. Mine look faded and dull, almost grey. Mum says they remind her of a foggy day, and I don’t know if I like the comparison.  
The stairs down from my room are a pain to handle, I know Alice and mum can hear me falling down them, but neither of them offer to help. Mum is too busy getting ready for her evening shift, and Alice is trying to clean an already spotless livin room. This is the first year mum’ll be alone. I think Alice felt less guilty about goin to school because she knew I’d be here, big houses are only any good if you’ve got people to fill them. But we’re both leavin now, nobody to watch out for her. Dad was never good company, but he was company. If I was less of a clumsy kid I’d be helping her, but by the time I’ve picked myself up from the whole staircase ordeal, Alice is calling for me to hurry out the door.  
I give the living room one last look before I go. It’s homey. Filled with reds, and browns, and light pinks. A couch that sinks three inches down when you sit on it. A mirror that’s warped on the bottom left corner. Coasters with the house crest. A lot of silence, not a speck of dust. It hasn’t changed in the elven years that I’ve lived here, but for some reason I’m scared it’ll look different when I get back.   
“Peter! Come on we’ll be late!” She means she’ll be late, things have been tough. He pays for the house, and child support. But everythin else comes from mum. It’ll probably be a relief, gettin us out of her hair. Gettin me out of her hair. The door slams behind me, an involuntary shudder runs down my spine. It’s just school, I shouldn’t be so nervous.   
“It’ll still be here when we get back.” I jump, maybe a foot into the air, I didn’t realise Alice was so close. “Come on pete, we should go.” I don’t say anything, just follow her to the car. Sometimes it’s better to just be quiet. Easier to process, people tend to stop bothering you if you’ve nothing to say. I wonder if Alice understands that. She’s always been a chatterbox, a loudmouth. I pale in comparison.  
The car ride is short, mom knows all the turns to take that would boggle a muggles mind. She drops us off in the parking lot, she won’t wave us onto the train. But she does get out to hug us, Alice first. I miss what she says to her because I’m trying and failing to get my trunk out of the car, but I’ve got a feeling it’s something to do with looking after me. I might be imagining things but I swear Alice sniffed after mum let her out of her arms. When Alice comes to help me with my trunk her face looks clear, she nudges me towards mum, taking my hands off of my trunk's handle.   
I walk to her slowly, she looks sad, not heartbroken sad, the kind of sad you feel when you won’t see your kids until christmas. I’ll miss her, maybe too much. I remember Alice being terribly excited about her first year, I wish I could feel that way. I want to be excited, but I can’t, not as mum pulls me close to her. I can practically feel her unshed tears. I wonder if she’ll break down the moment we can’t see her anymore. She’s more fragile than she’ll ever let us see, but both me and Alice know it. Dad hurt her when he left, took a part of her that none of us will ever get to see again.   
“My sweet sweet boy, are you ready?” I shake my head, pushing my face into her, I wonder if she can feel my tears through her shirt. “Sshhh, it’s alright. You’ll forget to be nervous once you get there.” I only hold her tighter, why do I have to become a wizard anyway? I could just stay home, mum could teach me everything she knows. “Give yourself time to adjust, I promise you’ll love it there. Hogwarts was a terrific time when I went.” She’s pushing me back now, holding me so she can get a good look at my splotchy red face. “I know it’ll be different now, I’m an old maid. But it will be just as splendid, that I can promise you.”   
“Can I write you?” I know it’s a stupid question, but I need her to tell me that I can.   
“I’d be right mad if you didn’t love,” her smile assures me that she’ll write me back for every letter I send.   
“We’ll miss the train if you two don’t separate!” Alice warns, pullin both of our trunks behind her. Mum pulls me in for one last squeez, then, before I’m ready to let her go, she’s pushing me towards Alice. Towards the train, and Hogwarts. Away from her, away from home. I like home, I know it, could run around it blindfolded.   
“I love you both, write when you get there, Alice, stay with your brother on the train, he hasn’t any friends yet. Peter, smile, you won’t get any friends if you glare them to death!” She’s shouting at us as we walk towards the station's doors. “If you’ve forgotten anything I’ll send it, and if you feel motion sickness from the train, I’ve given Alice some nausea pills!” Alice chuckles, and I finally smile.   
“Love you too mum!” We both shout back. I take my trunk from Alice and struggle along next to her, I’m still terrified witless, but I think things might end up alright. Maybe. Probably not. I don’t know. Together we make our way to platform 9 ¾, I’ve been on in before, to watch Alice go away for the year, but I’ve never been on the train itself. I’m a bit sad I won’t have anyone to wave to, but it only would’ve been mum anyway, and I prefer our goodbyes private.   
The station is noisy and filled with families saying goodbye to each other. Kids too young to go Hogwarts weave in and out of legs, chasing cats and poking their fingers through owls' cages. Everything is bright and lively, I can’t help but feel my spirits rising. Mum was right, there's something magnificent about all of the chaos, I don’t know what it is yet, but I’ll figure it out. Alice has to grab my wrist and drag me along, I can’t keep my head forward. There's a girl with frighteningly blonde hair clutching a small grey cat in her arms, we meet eyes for a moment, and she smiles wider than should be possible.   
On my other side is a boy who looks older than Alice, he’s laughing with a couple of friends as they wave around a piece of parchment that I can’t get a good look at from here. It’s all rather a lot. People shouting, mostly in english but I can make out some other languages as well. I can’t place where they’re from exactly but I think maybe some of its middle eastern.   
“Pete, you coming or am I going to drag you the whole way?” I nod, stumbling over my feet as I try to keep pace with her. I pull her back for a second, just as we’re about to board the train. I’ve never made it this far before. I remember how excited Alice was her first time. She’d lugged her trunk on as quickly as possible disappearing within seconds. It’s not that I’m not excited, I am I think, but a whole school semester is an awfully long time to be away from privacy and safety.  
“It won’t bite you.” Alice tries, she’s nudging me, hoping that I’ll take the first step on my own. I won’t be the annoying little brother who can’t be left on his own. Taking a deep breath, I plunge forward, slower than I wanted to because Alice has to help me pull my trunk up the steps, and moving through the passage is slow going considering how many other children are moving about.   
Alice has a game plan though, she heads towards the back of the train, her eyes scanning compartment numbers as we shove people out of our way. Just as I accidentally slammed into a tall angry looking girl with slick bottle blonde hair, Alice yelled, grabbing the attention of the only person here I’ll probably be able to recognize. Marline. Alice’s best friend since forever, she visited a couple of times over the summer, mum had made a big thing of it, cooking large meals and doting over all of us. Marline is essentially my second older sister, and she’s dreadfully nice.   
“Alls!” She called back, the crowd shuffling us forward, out of eyesite of the disgruntled blonde girl who had looked ready to rip my head off. “I’ve got us seats come on!” I wonder for a moment if I’ve been included, I don’t know that she meant she’d saved a seat for me as well, but I follow Alice anyway. I’d rather sit on the floor than be left alone in this crowd.   
When we reach Mareline, she’s smiling like a lunatic, her dark black hair cut just above her shoulders, it was down to her lower back over the summer. Alice gives her a quick hug, both of them mumbling their hellos, then they’re pushing into the small compartment, Alice’s hand pulling me along with them by my wrist.   
“Did you see Maclovich? He’s got to be a foot taller than he was last year-” Marline is a gossip, I never understand what she’s gossiping about, but I know dirt on maybe half the school. Never one to leave me out of the mix, I’d get a letter every week during the school year from her filled with wild school stories for the past two years. I’ve kept every single one, they’re tucked in the back corner of my closet at home.   
“Nope-” Alice shook her head, taking my trunk and with Marline’s help getting it up on the shelf above our heads. “-I must have missed em,” Marline dramatically throws herself backwards onto the bench,  
“I could marry him!”   
“He’s sixteen…” Alice says, rolling her eyes in disapproval. Marline pouts, poking at Alice’s side.   
“Yeah, but he’s gorgeous, tell her he’s gorgeous Pete!” I can feel my face heating up, and shake my head, refusing to answer the question. “Well, you’re too young to be interested in boys anyway!” Marline bowls forward, “none of the boys our age look any good, they’re all pudgy and snot-nosed!” Alice sighs loudly.   
“I’m not interested in boys anyway Mare, I’d rather kiss a crup!” Marline lets out a high pitched squeal of laughter at the thought of Alice trying to kiss the dog-like creature.  
“You’re bluffing, I bet you’ve got a crush on someone!” I don’t bother listening to the flabbergasted response Alice is sputtering out. Marline is right, I’m not interested in boy talk, I’ve got other more important worries. For one. Friends. I haven’t got any. I know I’ll be stuck in a dorm with I think four other boys, but that doesn’t mean any of them will like me. I'm not the sort of person many people like to be around, Alice says I glare at people and that’s why no one likes me, but I don’t mean to glare, I don’t even notice I’m doing it.   
In an attempt to distract myself I scoot over to the window and look out. The platform is slightly less crowded now, the other students being mostly on board. My eyes drift over towards a dark skinned boy who looks about as jittery as I feel. His mum is smiling but pushing him towards the train, the boy seems to be rambling on about something as his lips won’t stop moving, his mum nodding patiently until they’ve moved too close to the train for me to see them anymore.   
A loud whistle from the train makes me jump, and I can hear Marline laughing at me, I look over at her, offering an embarrassed smile. Slumping in my seat I prepare myself for a long boring train ride. All my books are in my trunk so I don’t have anything to read unless I ask for help getting it down, and I don’t want to bother anyone. Just before the train starts moving someone else steps into our compartment. She’s a small girl, her hair full of dreads that reach her mid-back.   
“It’s a zoo out there!” The new girl grumbles, yanking her trunk over the small step and fully into the room.  
“Let me help-” Alice offers,  
“It always is, did you see Maclovich?” Marline curts in, not offering to help the others with the heavy trunk.   
“Not him again, he’s too old for you Mare!” The girl laughs, she doesn’t sound as disapproving as Alice did, more amused by her friend's antics.   
“Is not!” Marline shouts, but if he is sixteen, then he’s definitely too old for her.   
“He doesn’t even know who you are!” Alice tries to reason, but Marline just covers her ears, humming loudly to show Alice that she doesn’t care to know what she thinks.   
“Evan,” The new girl addresses me, her hand outstretched. I hurry to shake it, blushing as she gives me a bright smile.   
“Peter.” I say, brushing my hand through my hair and avoiding eye contact. Marline has mentioned her in letters before, she’s prettier than I imagined her in my head.   
“Alice’s brother, I know!” She doesn’t sound annoyed by the fact that I’ll be with them for the ride. Alice was always good at picking her friends. She sits down next to me, I feel myself staring so I quickly turn forwards, only to be met with a sly smirk from Marline.   
“What house do you think you’ll get?” She asks me, mercifully not commenting on how red I must be.   
“Dunno, haven’t thought about it much…” A lie. All I’ve done is agonize over where I’d belong! I won’t be a ravenclaw, I don’t think I’m smart enough, and I’m not brave enough for gryffindor, I can’t imagine being put in slytherin! Hufflepuff might be alright, but I think they might all be a lot nicer than I am.  
“Really?” Evan asks, “All I did was think about what house I might get, my dad was in ravenclaw so I guess I wasn’t too surprised when I was as well. But still!” I shrug, I don’t know how to put into words that I don’t think I’d belong anywhere.   
“It doesn’t matter what house you get, mum will be so proud of you no matter what.” Alice quietly reassures me, the other girls nod in agreement, Marline giving me a thumbs up. And that might be true, but it doesn’t feel like it. They all knew they belonged in one of the houses, but I feel like a fraud, I bet I don’t actually belong anywhere.


	2. Under the Whomping Willow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus Lupin never expected he'd get the chance to attend the most renowned Wizarding school, yet here he is faced with the best shot he has at a normal life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This came together a lot faster than I was planning on! Once I started writing I just couldn't stop and I'm actually very happy with the way this one came out.
> 
> I would also like to say that when I start to deal with more intense topics (bullying, abuse, self-harm etc...) I will be putting warnings on those chapters! If there isn't a warning then I promise you the chapter is completely safe to read :)
> 
> Enjoy!!

I hate it already. I hate the way it looks, the way it smells, the way that I need it if I want some semblance of normal in my life. It doesn’t look particularly safe either, the house is clearly old, the whole place covered in dust and fancy antique furniture. It feels wrong. Like some horrible tragedy took place under its roof, damning the property to forever be unlivable. Not that I’ll be living here, but I’ll be spending enough time behind it’s unused doors that I’d like it to feel a bit less amanouse. Less grand.   
I’m used to small and dingy, at home there isn’t any furniture in the cellar because I’d only break it. Here the walls are pristine, but one night with me and they’ll be ruined with claw marks. I feel guilty, I know it’s abandoned now, but people must have lived here, and they probably loved it. You can tell someone spent years planning the intricacies, the decorations. It all must be worth a fortune, and it’s just being handed off to me like an old shirt.   
“It’s… Quite big…” My mothers voice is always quiet, but it echoes across the whole room, bouncing off of the high ceiling. She sounds worried, sceptical. I am too. Her boney fingers linger on my left shoulder, a gentle protective gesture, I am her only child. The stern woman who had brought us us here drew in a sharp breath, it looks as though she agrees with my mother, but when she speaks, she defends the decision to make this place my supposed safehouse.   
“Yes, it is rather large, but it’s the most secluded place around, it’s been enchanted so that when anyone wanders near it from the outside they suddenly remember a very important errand that can’t wait, and, well you’ve seen how nearly impossible it is to access the tunnel.” I don’t see her, but I know my mother is nodding. Professor McGonagall, as she had been introduced, had led us to a massive willow tree that tried to kill anyone who dared to go near it. She had transformed into a small tabby cat in order to reach a branch that acted as a way to stop the tree from moving, allowing me, my mother, and the school nurse; Madam Pomfrey to walk through to the tunnel entrance.  
“Yes, I see that,” My mother doesn’t have a rude bone in her body, and she’s ridiculously clever and accepting of the wizarding world, especially considering how awful it’s been to our family, but I can tell she doesn’t like the idea of me being all alone in this big house every full moon. “It was really the only place you could find?” We’d both assumed I’d be hidden away somewhere inside the school itself, not a miles away in a massive abandoned house.   
Madam Pomfrey nervously glances at McGonagall, it seems that all of us agree that this is a sketchy plan at best, it would be safest and easiest if I just stayed at home, but my mother wouldn’t hear of it when my father had suggested it. They had argued for weeks, but in the end she had her way. She had screamed that she wasn’t going to strip me of my childhood because of a mistake he had made. That I deserved a chance to thrive.  
“I’m afraid, at the current time, it is indeed the best we can do for you Mrs. Lupin.” McGonagall said regretfully. My mother, intent on following through with her promise that I would get to learn magic just as every other wizarding child does, put on a brave face and pulled me so that I was facing her.   
“It’s nice really,” She whispers, I can see that she’s scared, scared of letting me off on my own. Scared of what I’ll be facing on my own. “This whole place all for you? You’ll have a ball!” We both know that’s a lie, but sometimes it’s easier to make jokes about my condition than it is to talk about it. I nod, offering what I hope is an encouraging smile. Her fingers dig into my shoulders, trying to remind both of us that this is supposed to be a good thing! I’m going to Hogwarts, the most famous school of witchcraft and wizardry! I shouldn’t be allowed to leave my house and here I am getting the chance of a lifetime. This is a good thing.   
“If we’re in agreement then-” McGonagall prompts, “-I have a few things to finish before the ceremony, and I’m sure the two of you will want some time alone to talk.” My mother turns,   
“Of course, I’m sorry to have held you up,”  
“Not at all, I’m glad to be of help, Poppy?” Madam Pomfrey jolts into action, giving all of us an anxious smile.  
“Right, yes, follow me then!” We all file behind her, making our way back through the house and the tunnel. My stomach churns at the thought of having to make this walk every month without my mother with me. I’ve never been without her, not for as long as I can remember. I have to keep reminding myself that I want this, my whole life all I’ve ever wanted was to get the chance to be normal. To not just be a burden to my parents, this is my opening. Going to school here will create doors that didn’t exist for me before. It’s not going to be easy, obviously, but I will do this.   
When we finally reach the end of the tunnel, McGonagall goes out ahead of us, pulling the branch down like a lever, letting the rest of us go ahead to safety. As we walk towards a door that will lead inside the mostrous castle, I can’t help but look back. It’s nearly dark, and I can see a few stars in the fading light. The tree looks like the shadow of a massive monster just waiting to bash me into little bits. Technically, it is. I shiver, and then hurry to catch up with the adults.   
Once inside, McGonagall wishes my mother safe travels home, and heads off to finish whatever important school business she has to do, leaving us with Madam Pomfrey. She’s a sweet older woman, and I think based off of the lines on her face she’s normally a very stern sort of person, but right now she just looks very sorry for me. I’m glad only a few people know of my lycanthropy, I can’t stand the thought of everyone looking at me like she is now.   
“Unless you have any other questions for me,” she pauses, waiting for one of us to speak up.  
“No, I think we’ve already discussed everything. Thank you so very much for all the help you’ve been.” I nod, trying to look as nice as possible, I want to make her first impression of me a good one.   
“Good, good. And of course, if you ever have concerns, either of you, please feel free to contact any of us.” She means her, Professor McGonagall, or Headmaster Dumbldore. “I’ll give you a moment to say your goodbyes, then I’m just around the corner when you're finished.” She gives me one last pitying smile before she backs away. Leaving us alone for the first time since we arrived. I have an overwhelming urge to cry. It’s all so terrifying, I want this, but I also want to be alone in my room reading a book about someone who isn’t like me in the slightest.   
“How do you feel?” I don’t know,  
“Good!” I smile wide, making sure it carys up to my eyes.   
“I know I pushed for this, but is it what you want love?” I can feel her guilt, she had been very determined that I came, but I know she only did it for me. I know how much she wants me to be happy, she knows I’ll never get the chance at home.   
“I want this, I want to be here!”  
“Do you promise love?”   
“I promise, I swear it!” She laughs in her quiet way,  
“Let’s not get in the habit of that, yeah?” I laugh too, and I don’t think I’m faking it. “I love you more than anything, you know that, yes?”  
“Yes.” I do. I really do. “I love you too…” She pulls me in close  
“Oh Remus, you’ve always been so brave, how do you do it?” I don’t have an answer, but I doubt she was expecting one. I never feel very brave, but when she says that I am I can almost see what she means. Her arms squeeze me tightly, and I hug her back, tucking my head into her shoulder, trying to keep myself from bawling like a little kid.   
Slowly she loosens her hold, pulling back so that she can look me over, her eyes are shining in the torchlight. If she cries so will I, so I laugh awkwardly and shake my head to try and fix my hair.   
“Right, well, I’d best be off then, your fathers waiting in Hogsmeade for me,” I lose a bit of my smile when she mentions him. He doesn’t like me very much, he’s ashamed of me. I don’t blame him, I’m not something any parent would be proud to call their son. It’s just, I would have liked him to want this for me. He’s worried about his namesake, he has always spoken out against werewolves, he’s known for his dislike-no, hatred of werewolves. Mother says that’s why I was attacked in the first place, an attempt at revenge.   
It worked, my own father can’t stand the sight of me.   
“I know it doesn’t feel like it, but he’s proud of you. He just… he hasn’t realized it yet.” He isn’t, and he won’t be. But she loves him terribly, and she has tried so desperately hard to keep us together as a family that I don’t try to correct her. I’d do anything to make her happy, and if that means pretending to like my father, I can do that.   
“I get it.”   
“We’ll write all the time, and it’ll be christmas holidays before you know it!” I nod, though winter feels like it’s eons away even now. “I’m so, so, so proud of you. You’re going to be the best wizard here!” Not likely, but her heart is in the right place. “I wish I could stay longer, but I-” She’ll keep rambling on if I let her, and I’m sorely tempted, just so that I get to be with her for a few more minutes. But it’s probably best if we part now, I don’t know how much longer I can look at her and not cry.   
“It’s okay mom, I’ll be okay!” She wipes at her eyes quickly, but gives me a small laugh,  
“I know you will, of course you will. I love you!” We hug again, parting quicker than the first time. We find Madam Pomfrey at a respectable distance around the corner. Mother bids her goodbye, promising that she’ll be able to find her way out the front door to the carriage that will take her into hogsmeade. We hug one last time, and she kisses my forehead before waving as she walks away. I watch her until she turns a corner. I’d probably have continued staring after her if Madam Pomfrey didn’t clear her throat, gaining my attention.   
“I’d take you to your dorm, except you haven’t been sorted yet.” I nod, not sure what to say, I don’t want to come off as rude. “Let’s see, what shall we do with you?”  
“I can help you with whatever you need to do before the opening ceremonies,” I offer shyly, I doubt I’d really be much help, but it’s worth offering.   
“That’s very kind, but I haven’t really anything to do, my job starts when your fellow students start hurting themselves!” She chuckles at that, as though injured children are a hilarious thought. “We could do a bit of exploring, it’s your first time here and we have a couple of hours to look about,” She offered kindly.   
“Alright!” It’s a very nice idea, come to think of it, it’s huge, and I’ve been dying to see more than a few boring offices and corridors.   
“Where would you like to see then?” SHe asks, but I don’t have an answer for her. I’ve never really thought about what sorts of rooms a massive castle would have. Classrooms, but those are boring and I can already imagine what they look like, I scrunch up my face, trying to come up with any suggestion or idea.  
“Let’s see, do you like to read?” She prompts,  
“Love to!”   
“Then how about we visit the library, it’s really something!” I nod excitedly, I’ve always read everything I can get my hands on, which hasn’t been nearly as much as I’ve wanted. I try picturing how big it might be, or what it might smell like. Mother took me to a couple of muggle libraries in the past and they’ve always smelled of musty paper and old metal. For some reason I don’t think this one will share those qualities.   
We go through about a dozen corridors, and down two flights of steps before Madam Pomfrey comes to a stop in front of beautifully carved wooden doors that put the details in that awful house to shame. I stand with my mouth hanging open for a good two minutes before I even dare to go close enough to open them. Madam Pomfrey doesn’t say anything, smiling down her nose at me as I take it all in. When I finally take the first step towards the doors she says in a low voice.  
“If you think that was good, the inside will knock your socks off.” With a slow breath I grab one of the handles and pull, the door is heavy, it takes all my strength to get it wide enough for both of ys to walk through. I swear I can feel my jaw unhinge, it’s the most magnificent thing I’ve ever seen! From floor to ceiling all you can see are books, hundreds of shelves crammed to the brim with a billion stories. I’m practically vibrating with excitement, I want to climb the shelves, smell the pages, for a little while I can forget about all my troubles.   
“Go on then,” She gestures in no particular direction, but I take her meaning and start slowly walking forwards. I was right before it doesn’t smell musty or damp in here, it smells of fresh parchment, wood, and pure magic! It feels illegal to touch anything here, it’s all so perfect. I wouldn’t say I’ve grown up poor, but my father has always been a minimalistic private man, we’ve never needed much to get by.   
This place though, it’s so extravagant! The paintings that cover almost every wall, the murals on the ceilings, the statues and wooden carvings. It’s a truly incredible sight to behold. I imagine being happy here for the rest of my life, safe from the judging eyes of thousands of people who could never even begin to understand what I have to go through every single day. My eyes tear up again, and I sniff as quietly as I can. Really all I want is to be alone, just for a little while. I’m so terrified of doing it all wrong.  
No one in my life has yet to really address the fact that I could be found out. I don’t know if it’s against any laws for me to attend, but fear and stigma would be enough to get me kicked out. Mass misunderstanding can do a lot of damage. Of course, I don’t blame them for being afraid. I’m a wild animal, a beast capable of a good deal of destruction. If I am discovered, what then? Do I just get kicked out, or something worse… The family name would be ruined, my father paraded as a hypocrite and a liar.   
Even thinking about it makes me sick. I distract myself by running my fingers along the spines of the books, tracing titles such as 'Magical Wood and it’s Uses,' 'Water Muggles can’t See,' and 'Forgotten but Useful Spells.' I leave Madam Pomfrey far behind me, getting lost in the winding shelves. In a far corner I can see a couple of arm chairs with tables, and some of the shelves are lined with desks, oddly convenient I suppose. I’m sure it’s crowded during the school year, so I’ll have to make the most of the absolute privacy it’s providing me at this moment.   
I spend the next twenty-minutes or so searching the library from top to bottom, there are a few ladders around that conveniently float an inch or so above the ground so that you can drag them to any shelf you need without much hassle. I figured I should pick a book, find Madam Pomfrey and spend the rest of the evening reading, but just as I climbed to the highest shelf that I could to pull out a random book, I noticed something. The space behind the book I pulled out (Why We Should Use Muggle Inventions) is just dark open space. Frowning, I grab another couple of books, stacking them carefully in my arms to get a better look.   
Sure enough, behind this particular shelf is a small reading nook. The space isn’t very large, in it from what I can make out in the dim lighting; there are two chairs that look incredibly comfortable, and one small table between them. The floor is covered in a carpet that looks incredibly soft, and just out of reach is a note that I can’t quite read. Huffing in annoyance, I climb down the ladder with my stack of books and place them in a neat pile on the floor. I make the same trip three more times, clearing enough books for me to try and squeeze between the shelves on my stomach. If anyone walked up behind me they’d see kicking legs as a bookshelf swallowed a human whole.   
I haven’t managed to get my whole body in, but I’m far enough in to reach the note and pull it back with me as I shimmy out of the shelves. Panting with the effort, I hold the note out and try to keep my hands from shaking. It reads:

For those who value their privacy just as much as they value their curiosity

It isn’t signed, but it doesn’t say I’m not allowed to use this spot. I don’t know if anyone else has found this little nook, but if they haven’t then I’ve just discovered a rather perfect hiding place. More than anything I’d like to crawl my way inside and stay there until the whole world forgets I exist, but I should really put all these books back, and I’m sure Madam Pomfrey will be coming to get me soon anyways. I consider putting the note back where I found it, but a wave of selfishness passes through me. I don’t want other people to find it and feel welcome in this place. I want it to be just for me. I don’t have much, I should be able to keep this to myself.   
My mind made up, I shove the note into the pocket of my robes and start the bothersome task of putting all of the books back. Halfway through it occurs to me that I could forget where exactly this spot is, I don’t know the library well enough to find my way back here perfectly. It takes me a few minutes to realize I can turn one of the books backwards so that the pages face out instead of the title. It’s not foolproof, but it’s the best I’ll manage for now. With my marker in place, I climb down one last time, remembering to grab a book when I reach the bottom.  
When I finally weave my way back to the front of the library I find Madam Pomfrey sitting in a wooden chair, a book in her lap. She glances up at me, then hurries to check the watch on her wrist.  
“Good timing lad, We’d better start heading up!” Clutching my book tightly in my arms, I follow her back out of the library, up the stairs, through the corridors and into a medium sized room just outside of the great hall. A jump slightly as A ghost drifts through the wall to greet us.   
“Oh hello, you’re a bit early!” She’s a pretty looking witch with a flower crown weaved into her hair.   
“Hello Derma!” Madam Pomfrey answers politely,”Mr. Lupin here had special circumstances so he came up before the other students.” Derma Gave me a puzzled look, but shrugged and drifted out of the room without another word. Madam Pomfrey muttered something about how just because your dead doesn’t mean you shouldn’t use your manners. Then she told me to make myself comfortable and that the other students would be joining me shortly. I tell her I’ll be fine here until they do. With one last sad smile she leaves me.   
I don’t know how long I’ll be waiting, so I take my book and settle into a corner of the room on the floor. The book I grabbed is titled 'The Lore of Magical Beasts' which feels somehow ironic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! If you have any questions, comment, concerns, feel free to leave them down below! Remember to follow this story for updates and please leave Kudos!


	3. Let it be Gryffindor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter finds himself plunged into the excitement of arriving at Hogwarts and the house sorting. He's never put much thought into what house he wanted to be in, but after meeting a couple of people he hopes he will be able to call friends, Gryffindor is starting to sound very nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry for the long wait, I promise I was writing as quickly as I could :)  
> I think you're really going to like this chapter, I wanted to really take my time and expand upon all of the characters as best I could. I know that how I envision them won't perfectly match how everyone else does, but I'm trying to be canon compliant (where it matters). 
> 
> I've also tried the spacing a bit differently, let me know if this is better!
> 
> Enjoy!

I blink in confusion, I don’t remember falling asleep, but I must have as I’m now rubbing my eyes to try and clear my vision. I can hear the low rumble of chatter coming from the other end of the compartment, the girls must not want me hearing whatever it is they’re discussing. I shuffle about as subtle as possible, until I can see out of the window, not that there's anything to see, it’s pitch black. Still groggy I stay still, trying to listen in on what they’re saying that’s so secret. 

“I’m afraid to go anywhere alone, they say that anyone who isn’t pure-blood is potentially at risk,” I can tell it’s Marline speaking because she’s never been able to stay quiet, Alice is a good deal better at keeping her voice down, so I only catch a few words from her response.

“-papers-can’t believe they would publ-she doesn’t know I read them-safe-hogwarts” None of it makes sense, if she had just been a tad louder I might have been able to catch it all. 

“I hate to think about it, my aunt stopped writing to us because she’s scared of being singled out in an all-muggle community.” That was Evan.  
Marline started to answer, but just as she did the train started squealing and hissing, I can just make out the steam rising up through the darkness, it was slowing down. We made it to Hogwarts. All three girls whip their heads in my direction, feeling slightly guilty, I do my best impression of waking up that I can manage. Rubbing my face and yawning I mumble a hello. 

“Rise and shine sleepy head!” Marline calls, throwing a shoe at me. It bounces painfully off of my right arm, I yelp, rubbing at the sore spot that will probably turn into a bruise. I kick the fallen shoe in her general direction giving her a good glare.   
“Stop that!” Alice chides, she’s opening the sliding door and looking out into the hallway. Already the other students are pouring out, shoving each other about on their way towards an exit. 

“I didn’t start it!” I protest, but Marline simply ignores Alice, sticking her tongue out at me. If I had anything to throw at her, I would, but I’m sadly empty handed.   
Evan follows Alice to the door, going on tiptoes she peeks over her shoulder to watch all the commotion. 

“We go out there now and we get crushed,” Marline says, slouching down in her seat. I rather agree, but Alice has never been one to wait around. 

“No we won’t!” She says, “Come on!” Before I get the chance to argue that I’m smaller than all of them and most definitely will get crushed, Alice has my left upper arm and I’m being painfully yankled towards my iminente death. 

“Watch it!” I wine, trying to loosen her grip, she’s squeezing the spot Marline had thrown her shoe at and it really does hurt. 

“You’ll be going with Hagrid, he takes the first years across the lake-” I would have kept listening to her, but the moment I’m pulled out into the walkway it’s as though I’ve been placed inside a cage of pixies. Someone’s gotten themselves hooked on my robe, I’ve stepped on someone else's foot. Everyone is much taller than me, faster too, they’re also all shouting for no apparent reason. I can feel myself going into overdrive, too many noises, lights, people. I bring my hands up to cover my ears, squeezing my eyes as much as I can without actually closing them. People tend to look right over me, especially when I curl in on myself.

“Alright there?” I jump. Alice is no longer clutching my arm, I can’t see her, Marline or Evan anywhere. The train isn’t as full anymore, there’s maybe a dozen people left slowly making their way off the train. “Hey!” I jump again, turning around, I come face-to-face with an incredibly tall girl. Her dark brown hair coming down in soft ringlets. She’s bending forward so that the height difference isn’t so great between us. 

“S-sorry…” I mumble, embarrassed and upset that Alice would lose track of me. 

“For?” I don’t really know, “Trust me, don’t be, I remember my first time, I waited until everyone had left before I got off, still do.” I nod, she’s giving me an encouraging smile, a genuine one, like she doesn’t think it’s pathetic to be standing in the middle of a train with your hands over your ears and your eyes squeezed shut to block everything out. 

“T-hanks” I sputter, everyone else has filtered off by now. I want to get out of this place as well. 

“Yup, see you in school then?” She’s upper class, maybe even a seventh year. We won’t be seeing each other very much. 

“Yes, yeah, sure” She starts towards the exit, but she walks slowly, taking her time. I hurry after her, not keen on being the last person on board. 

“Dromeda,” she calls back right before she hops off the train. “If you ever need, me,” she looks back, her kind gaze catching me right in the eyes, “Andromeda Black.” After she says that her features flicker. She looked, only for a moment, scared. But it was quickly replaced with... pride? I can’t believe A member of the black family stopped to pull me out of a panic attack, not just that, she’s basically offered to be a friend. 

“Peter!” I call back, “Pettigrew!” Her eyebrows go up when I tell her my last name, but she doesn’t say anything else. Andromeda slips down the steps and into the crowd on the platform, I follow her. Confused, but much calmer than I have been all day. I don’t know why, but her words made me feel as though maybe this year won’t be so awful. Not everyone is mean, and I already know four people here. 

I handle the platform a lot better than I did the train, I’m at the back of the crowd so I’m not being jostled, and everyone keeps steadily moving forwards. It’s beautiful. Lampposts line the crowded platform, their light casting long flickering shadows over everything. The sky is filled with more stars than I’ve ever seen back home. I’ve never been one to study constellations, but I have a sudden urge to start naming the patterns I see above me. The moon looks full in the cloudless sky. It’s light illuminating the surrounding trees, making them look like giants standing guard. 

A loud demanding voice cuts through the low rumble of chatter, 

“Firs years! firs years o-er here!” Everyone turns towards the voice. The person it’s coming from is the biggest person I’ve ever seen, he’s basically a giant, towering above us all. His face is nearly completely covered by curly brown hair and a massive beard. I’d think he was using stilts, but his whole body is so massive that I have to believe his legs match the rest of it. He keeps on calling, and as he does small bodies start to push through the crowd, doing the best they can to weave in and out of the compact pile of mulling students.   
Not too keen on having to go back into any crowd, I take my time and skirt around the edge of it all. Once the giant of a man has collected and counted all of us he pauses, glancing at the list again. His brow furrows for a second, his eyes going down his long piece of parchment. 

“Oh, right!” He mumbled, suddenly seeming satisfied, he stuffs the parchment into a pocket and gives all of us a toothy grin. “Welcome to ogwarts!” His voice booms over us, “You can call me Hagrid, keeper-o-keys and grounds e-er at ogwarts,” A massive lantern sways in his massive hand, a couple students up front flinch every time it swings a little too close to their heads. 

“I’m going to take the lot o-yer to the castle real special like!” He sounds incredibly excited. Becking us with his empty hand, we all troop after him, an army of eleven-year-olds. Not that children would be any good as soldiers. We walk along a dirt path, the only light coming from the lantern Hagrid is holding. I’m at the very back, a step behind everyone else. Most of the others have paired off with the people they met on the train, I wonder if I blew my chances at friends my age because I spent the ride with my sister and her friends. I wouldn’t be surprised. I tend to screw up like that a lot. But no, there's plenty of time, I’ll have roommates, and there's still classes!

After about five minutes of stumbling about in the near dark, the tree line opens up very suddenly. We’re all standing in front of an incredible lake. It stretches out for miles, farther than I can see in this lighting. But that's not what everyone is looking at. Previously hidden behind the dense forest, the Hogwarts castle now stands before us. It’s incredible. Hundreds of windows gleam with torchlight, towers shoot up trying to reach the sky. There's a bridge that reaches over the lake, which is probably where the rest of the students cross over. Everyone lets out a small gasp, amazement written all over our faces. We get to live here for the next seven years? I was feeling homesick, and I still miss mum, but I’m starting to think all of this won’t be so bad. 

“Righty-o, four per boat!” I hadn’t even noticed the fleet of wooden boats on the shoreline until he directly pointed at them, I’ve never been on a boat before. I’m not a good swimmer. 

“Bloody brilliant!” A boy from the front of the group is practically racing towards them, clambering over the side before anyone else has even started moving. 

“That’s the spirit!” Hagrid called after him, “come on then you lot,” A few students take it at a run while the rest of us walk nervously forward. By accident, I ended up on the boat with the boy who had run up first. He’s running around the boat, leaning over the edge and laughing excitedly. An annoyed girl with such a pointy nose I can see it even in the dark, yells at him to sit down. 

The boy’s eyes glint with mischief, his hair spikes out in all directions like he was just struck with lightning, and I can just make out round glasses that he pushes up his nose every ten seconds or so. 

“How! How can you sit down when we’re SAILING TO HOGWARTS!!” He screams the end of his speech, the water reflecting and amplifying his voice so that everyone can hear him. I can hear a few others whooping and matching his excitement. Hagrid, who's taken a whole boat to himself at the back of the pack, shakes his head and chuckles at us, but doesn’t tell anyone to calm down or be seated. 

I want to be brave, I want to be excited. I’m not fond of water, but I get up from my seat and carefully make my way to the edge. Leaning over as far as I can manage, I stick my hand in the water. The boat is self propelled, so as my hand hits the smooth surface the water ripples instantly. A stream of displaced water following in my wake. The crazy haired boy gives me a wide grin, clambering to the other side of the boat and copying me. I smile back.

“Wicked!” He shouts at me, I nod enthusiastically. The water is freezing, but I keep my hand in it the whole ride. Weaving it about and splashing water everywhere. The boats eventually slow, pulling in single file next to an enclosed stone dock. Hagrid gets out first, and goes from boat to boat helping everyone out. When we’re all on dry land, the boy from the boat runs up to me and we walk together up to the main entrance of the castle. 

The Wooden doors are massive, and without warning they start opening slowly. No one is pulling or pushing them, they just swing wide. Inside is a tall proper looking woman. Her hair is brown with silvery white strands laced through it, all of it pulled into a tight knot at the bottom of her neck. Her robes are accented with a rich red, and the boots peeking out from underneath it are so shiny I could see my reflection in them. 

All of us stand wide eyed and ready for whatever is about to happen next. 

“Welcome to Hogwarts!” She says she isn’t yelling like Hagrid was, but her voice projects easily. “I’ll take them from here, Hagrid.” Hagrid nods, and shuffles past us into the castle. 

“My name is Minerva McGonagall, I am head of gryffindor house, and deputy headmistress. You may refer to me as Professor McGonagall.” there's an awkward moment of silence, all of us staring at her, then her glare softens

“Follow me.” We head through the entrance, we catch a glimpse of the great hall, packed to the brim with excited kids, but we pass it up and head into a much smaller room. I don’t remember how it happened, but me and the wild hair boy ended up at the front of the group. Together we get the first look at our tiny accommodations, or we should have gotten the first look, but in the far corner is a scrawny boy who's giving the lot of us a look of trepidation. He’d clearly been sitting for a while, a book tucked in his lap, back wedged and slumped so deeply in the corner he might as well have been there his whole life. 

“You’ll wait here while we get the hall ready for your sorting, behave yourselves until I come back to collect you all,” All of us crammed in the small room, Professor McGongall left, closing the door behind herself. 

Any form of guidance now gone, we all sort of amble around the room, directionless and annoyingly excited for the sorting. The wild haired boy looks about ready for his head to pop off, a dumb grin plastered across his whole face as he bounces about, trying to see every inch of the boring stone room. I’m tempted to go over to the boy in the corner who's now returned to the world of his book, uninterested in all the new arrivals, but just as I do the wild haired boy tugs on my sleeve. 

“I’ve heard the walls move randomly, rearranging the whole castle without warning!” I don’t think that’s quite true, but you can’t rule out anything when it comes to a magical castle. 

“Only the stairs, but wouldn’t that be a pain.” A tall boy, I think the tallest out of all the first years, who looks bored by it all debunks the wild haired boys theory with one drawling sentence. 

“Do the doors talk? My dad told me the doors talk!” Alice told me everything about Hogwarts, I peppered her with a billion questions after her first year, and with Marline’s letters as a contribution, my general knowledge of Hogwarts trivia isn’t too terrible, if I do say so myself. 

“What else did your dad tell you?” The tall boy asked, raising his eyebrow, the hint of a smirk touching his lips. I frown, not sure if I like this new boy. 

“Loads, does it really rain in the great hall when it rains outside?” The tall boy snorts, clearly he thinks himself superior. 

“Your old man is full of it kid.” The wild haired boy instantly goes red in the face, but not in embracement, in rage that came out of nowhere.

“I’m not a kid, hey, we’re the same age!” The taller boy just shakes his head in amusement. I’d like to give him a good punch if I could. Though, to my surprise, he sticks out his hand for the wild haired boy to shake.

“Right, I’m Sirius,”

“James!” The wild haired boy answered, apparently pascified. James seems a bit erratic, I won’t hold his interest for long, he seems like the type of person who always needs to be entertained. Just as I figure they’ve forgotten I even exist, Sirius is jamming his hand in my direction. Hesitantly, I take it,

“Peter,” I mumble, Sirius gives an entitled nod. It’s strange. He’s acting as though we couldn’t be worth a slip of his time, but here he is trying to make our acquaintance. 

“Who do you think the weird kid is?” James asks, a little too loudly if you ask me. 

“Which one, there are so many,” Sirius says, that odd hint of bitterness coating his words. 

“The one in the corner, he was here when we walked in, do you think he’s a spy?!” Sirius laughs 

“And what would he be spying on us for?”

“Dunno, something evil I’d bet!” James ogles the poor boy, his enthusiasm drawing more attention to our group than I’m comfortable with. 

“Maybe he’s one of the professor's kids, and came early with his mum or dad.” Sirius suggests, which actually would be a pretty good explanation. 

“We should ask him!” James says in an excited whisper. I open my mouth to protest, but Sirius beats me to it, grabbing hold of James’s cloak in the process,

“Yeah, or we could leave the kid alone to read,” James pouts, but doesn’t go over. I glance at the boy, jerking with guilt when we meet eyes. He looks as though he knew we were all talking about him. His pale blue eyes dig deep into mine, he doesn’t look angry, but I feel like he’s daring me to try and talk with him. I quickly look away, I’m not ready to get in a fight on my first night. 

“-Gryffindor, like my dad,” James was saying, I won’t be in gryffindor. But I want to be wherever these two end up, it’s silly, but I’ve already started to get to know them, and it would be loads easier if I didn’t have to start fresh. “WHat about your family, what house are you hoping for?” 

“My whole family is in Slytherin, always have been.” James looks him up and down for a second, clearly deep in thought. 

“You’re a black, aren’t you?” Sirius shoots him a glare.

“If I am?” He challenges, clearly defensive of the topic, James must have hit a sore spot. 

“Nothing, I don’t mean anything by it!” James hurries to amend his tone, “I just mean, well, you are, aren’t you?” Sirius doesn’t stop glaring, but he gives a slow nod. James gives me a pleading look.

“Bet I’ll be a Hufflepuff,'' I say quietly. James slaps me hard on the back,

“Then you’ll be a great Hufflepuff!” That made me feel a bit less worried, maybe we can be best friends in different houses. 

“Well I-” Sirius starts, but I don’t get to hear the rest of his thought because just as he starts, Professor McGonagall walks back into the room. 

“Are you ready to be sorted?” The room gives her a garbled yes, “follow me then,” and again we’re led through the room's door and down the hall. This time we stop at the doors of the great hall. 

“Now, I expect absolute silence, no talking amongst yourselves. When we walk in, you’re going to follow me down the middle of the room, and you’re going to wait for your name to be called. When it is, you are to come forward and do as you're told.” She gives us all a stern glare “understood?” I nod, too nervous to do much more. “Good.”

Without another word, she flings the doors open with a wave of her hands, they reveal a room packed with excited faces, loud cheering erupts from every table, whistling and hollering follows the lot of us as we stumble our way to the front of the room. James is grinning like a maniac, and Sirius, well he looks sort of green…

The room is brighter than I figured it would be, the candle light here must be abnormally bright, that or they’re just stuffed so many of them in here that every shadow has been chased far away. I’m so distracted by, well, everything, that I miss when Professor McGonagall started talking, but a tug on my sleeve from James brings back just as the first name is being called. 

“Abbot, Grace!” A sweet looking girl with blonde streaked hair walks forward with her head held high, she sits on the stool in front of the staff tables and closes her eyes just as professor McGonagall places an old tattered hat over her head. After a short pause, with everyone holding their breath, the hat suddenly shouted

“HUFFLEPUFF” The table filled with yellow clad students burst into applause, a few of them running up to the small girl and guiding her back, waving their arms about as they hollar. I can’t help but smile, hufflepuff wouldn’t be so bad, I think I’ll like it there. 

“Aubrey, Betram!” Is the next name called. A slender boy with shaggy brown hair that keeps falling into his face, which is still holding onto some baby fat. The hat takes a moment, then calls out

“SLYTHERIN!” the process repeats, only this time from the slytherin table. A couple more names are called, then 

“Black, Sirius!” I watch as he pushes gently past us, any of his previous bolster gone. His face has gone quite pale, and he keeps nervously looking between the hat in McGonagall’s hands and the table surrounded with green. Just before his eyes are covered with the brim of the dirty old hat, we lock eyes. They look terrified. 

The hat spends maybe half a second on him before it shouts

“GRYFFINDOR!!” I start to clap with James and the other first years, but nobody else joins us. The whole hall seems to have gone silent. McGonagall pulls the hat off his head, but I almost wish she hadn’t. Sirius looks ready to throw up. His skin almost translucent, his hands shaking badly, he’s looking off into nothing, like he left his body the moment his house was called. 

Professor McGonagall leans down, whispering something in his right ear. He nods the tiniest bit, struggling to his feet he keeps his head down as he makes the walk to the gryffindor table. Everyone stares at him as he slumps into an empty spot. 

“Boot, Alen!” nobody moves, for the first time in probably all of forever, a room full of kids is stone silent. 

“Boot, Alen!” Professor McGongall calls again, sounding agitated. A small boy scurries forward, embarrassed. The hat sorts him into a Hufflepuff, and Dirk Cresswell becomes the first Ravenclaw. 

“Evans, Lilly!” A girl with bright red hair and green eyes you can see from across the hall becomes a Gryffindor,   
“Gabble, Adrian!” A,

“RAVENCLAW” a bunch of other names are called, but it’s hard to be interested in them when I’m so nervous about my own sorting. It doesn’t help that James is bouncing about like a yoyo. Up and down, up and down. It’s very distracting!

“Lestrange, Pandora!” only catches my attention because of how stunning she is. She has long hair, so blonde it’s almost white. She walks with a sway in her step, smiling at all of the room as she plops herself gracefully down onto the stool. The room fills with more murmurs, which makes sense considering the fuss over Sirius, the first black for as long as anyone can remember who wasn't sorted into Gryffindor. The Lestrange family is extremely close to them, all pure-bloods are inbred. 

The hat takes a minute to decide what to do with her. But eventually it decides on

“RAVENCLAW!” The hall applauds politely, but not enthusiastically. Pandora Gives the room a wave as she glides to the Ravenclaw table. The whispers have gotten loud. Two important pure-blood slytherin lines getting sorted into not Slytherin is unheard of! 

There isn’t much time for talking, the next person is called forward,

“Lupin, Remus!” The boy who had been hunched in the corner ambled past me and James, shooting James a look that I wouldn’t classify as friendly. He’s a small boy, in every regard. It doesn’t help that he’s curling in on himself. He looks determined, like he’s ready to fight for what he wants.   
The hat takes longer on him, maybe two minutes, but it does finally call out

“GRYFFINDOR!” The slouches to the table, finding a seat and disappearing from view. James keeps bumping into me with anticipation. It’s not fair, he knows what he’s going to get. He’s sure and confident. You can tell he doesn't doubt for a second that he’ll be placed in Gryffindor. And the more I think about it, the more I want to be placed there as well. I’m not much, I’m not very brave, and I haven’t done anything significant in my life, but I’m eleven, we’re all eleven. So, maybe if I want it hard enough, it will happen.

“Pettigrew, Petter!” I freeze up, but James shoves me forward. Slowly I make my way up to the stool. I hate knowing that everyone is watching me. I want them all to look away, focus on something else. My hands are sweating, and I feel ready to vomit. This is supposed to be exciting! And it is, but it’s terrifying! I scan the Ravenclaw table, and I catch a glimpse of Marline, who has stood on top of the table and is giving me a huge thumbs up. I smile back at her, then everything blacks out as the hat is placed over my eyes. 

Please let it be Gryffindor...


	4. The First Midnight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus is finding it hard to adjust to his new life at Hogwarts. Friends are hard to come by, and his secrets weigh heavier than they ever did at home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back again! Thank you for the support I've received! I'm still looking for someone who would be willing to help me with this work so I apologize if the grammar isn't completely up to standards.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter! I do plan on covering everyones perspectives at some point, but most if not all of the first year will be through Remus and Peters eyes :)

~Wind whistles through the trees as a low growling grows steadily louder. A dark hulking figure creeping slowly forward. A wolf, fangs glinting in the full moon. I can’t breathe, can’t run, can’t even feel. It steps closer. Closer. The hairs on the back of my neck stick up. A chill running through me, consuming me. It’s close, I can smell it’s warm, terrible breath. It’s jaws swinging open as massive claws rip into my flesh-~

I jerk upright, heart pounding, head spinning. My bed is soaked. The nightmares started on the first night here. I haven’t had them for a couple of years, I remember because the bags under my mothers eyes had gotten considerably lighter after they stopped. I suppose it’s better they started at school rather than at home, I’d hate to worry her. 

The sun is already filtering through the windows in the dormitory, normally I’m up before the light makes it to this set of rooms, but it’s sunday, and I’ve clearly slept in. I didn’t mean to, but the stress of it all caught up to me. The first week of lessons was a magnificent hell. I’ve never been cut off from the magical world, but I’ve never been so surrounded by it. Simple things I’d have never thought to use magic for, like closing the curtains around my four poster bed. It’s odd to adjust to it all, and on top of that all of the lessons! Potions, history of Magic, transfiguration, defense against the dark arts, care of magical creatures, charms, herbology, and flying practice is supposed to start soon. 

As it turns out, I’m rubbish at potions, or at least the first two classes I’ve taken, but I’m not too bad at charms and transfiguration. Not that five days really gives me more than a quick trial run, still, it’s better than I could have imagined. Worth the risk. I can’t think about it now. Not when it’s happening tonight. I rub at my eyes, carefully stretching out my sore limbs. This is the first time I’ve seen this place in daylight. I’ve been out of it before dawn, and I don’t come back until after the sun is well on its way to setting. I’ve never loved the color red, but I suppose it doesn’t look too bad. The bedsheets are godawful ugly though. 

The curtains around my bed are still drawn, but I can hear the other boys talking outside of it. I’m not friends with any of them. I got lopped with the three boys who couldn’t stop staring at me the night of the sorting, I especially can’t stand the one with glasses, James I think, he’s an arrogant prick to be sure. I’m gone before they’re up, and I only run into them during classes, so I haven’t really had to deal with them. Lucky for me too, they’re loud and annoying.

We share the room with another boy, Tully Franks. I only know him because we passed each other in the bathroom two days ago, he’d only been awake by accident, had to pee, and I’d been up getting ready to leave the dorm. We only said a couple of things. Introduced ourselves, wished each other a good morning. He’s stout with curly hair that isn’t red, but could be in the right sort of lighting. I like him, we’re not friends yet, but I reckon he’ll be the first one I’ll make. 

“Do you think he’s actually in there?” I don’t know who's speaking, but I know they’re speaking about me. I want to fall back asleep, but I don’t want to risk another nightmare. I’ve been fairly lucky that I’m a silent sufferer when it comes to the dream scape, still, I won’t test my chances. 

“You know, just because he can’t see you doesn’t mean he can’t hear you,” A voice of reason, or one that just isn’t plain rude. I sort of wish I could tell who the voices belonged to, so that I can know who to dislike more. It’s hard to dislike a group of people, much easier to single one out. 

“I don’t think he likes us, I only see him in classes,” I feel bad for only a moment, the voice sounds genuine, like he’s upset that we haven’t had the chance to get all buddy buddy. 

“He’s nice, just shy, and we should probably stop talking about him while he’s in the room!” That voice I know, Tully. Knew I liked him. A pause. “Remus, are you in there?” I flinch. I don’t even know how to meet them now, I’ve avoided everyone for about a week. Bet they think I’m a stick in the mud who thinks he’s better than them. I’m not, I just, well if I’m always missing, then they won’t start to notice any patterns or figure any of it out… 

I want them to keep talking and move on, but they’ve all gone dead silent, waiting for me to answer. Gaining as much control of myself as I can, I peak, very slowly, out of the curtain. I can only see two of my four roommates. The first being Tully, he looks genuinely surprised to see me, the other is the Black kid. The ones everyone keeps talking about. He’s got very sharp features, and this judgmental gleam in his eyes, I hate it. 

“Mornin,” Tully gives me a soft smile, I start to give one back when that boy James pops his head around the corner,

“He is real!” To Black’s credit, he rolls his eyes at James’s response. Tully bites at his lip, noticing my instant mood change. The almost smile is a definite frown now.

“Don’t be a prat James,” Black scoffs, I don’t like his tone. Too, better than thou, too imperious. 

“Hello!” A short, round kid followed James, he actually looks like he might be nice, bet he was bullied or will be bullied, either way. 

“Does it speak?” The round boy flinches at James’s words, Tully looks taken aback. I don’t answer, I won’t take the bait. If he wants to pick a fight, he can do it with someone else. 

“Sorry-sorry, are we crowding you? We’re crowding him!” The round boy sputters, apologetically taking a few steps back so that he bumps up against the wall. I feel bad, I shouldn’t but I do. I’m not annoyed with him, just his friend. 

“Right, I’m getting breakfast-”

“Breakfast will be over,” Tully cut in, ruining Black’s excuse to leave. He shot the boy an ugly face,

“Then I’m going to find the kitchens,” glancing back at me, I feel like he’s trying to scan me. His eyes scraping up and down any part of me he can see. I slouch back, if I didn’t know better I’d think he just figured out my whole life story. “You can come if you like,” I know he was addressing the whole room, but his eyes were boring into mine when he said it.

“Beats this,” James said, boredom written all over his face. 

“I’ll come too!” The round boy piped up, eager to not be left behind with this awkwardness, “it was nice-really nice meeting you!” I don’t answer, I’m committed to my bit. 

“Franks?” James asked, inviting Tully to join them.

“You know, I’m good. I’ll catch you up later,” 

“Whatever, see ya,” Black finally took his gaze off me, walking past my bed and out of view towards the exit. James followed him, the round boy glancing at me one last time, waving as he scuttled after them in a hurry. A breath I didn’t know I was holding slipped out of me. It sucks I got roomed with them. I wonder if it would be too soon to ask to transfer rooms, do they even let you do that here? 

“What's your deal with them?” He waited until they left the room, but now that they’re gone Tully rounds on me, not angry, just curious. I shrug, I don’t have any good reason, more snap judgments. 

“Dunno, that James is an arse though,” Tully laughs, clearly he agrees. 

“A bit, but Peter isn’t so bad, and Sirius acts tough, but he’s got this stuffed animal he thinks he’s hiding from all of us,” I snort, so much for the act. Still, it’s not as simple as opening my mind and getting to know them. I have to be careful who I get close with, It’s not as though it would be too hard to figure my secret out, all you need to do is pay attention to dates. 

“Are you hungry? You’re normally gone by now-”

“No,” I cut him off, “I’m not.”

“Cool… cool. So you uuuh, I mean schools crazy, yeah?” I nod, tugging the curtains around my bed to the side, letting the full effect of the midmorning sun hit me. The strips of light are filled with dust, and I was right. Tully’s hair does look red in good lighting. 

“Wild, are you, you’re a muggle?” 

“Born and raised, thought it was a practical joke, but when a second letter came with a location where we could get our money exchanged for, you know, your type of currency, I couldn’t believe it!” Makes sense, if I had no idea magic existed I would’ve thought it was some kind of add or joke! “What about you?”

“My mothers a muggle, married into wizardry, we were still surprised when I got the invitation though because-” I cut myself off, that’s me already giving away too much information.

“Because what?” He asks, not all suspicious and challenging like I’m imaging him to be in my head.

“Well, I mean, they thought I didn’t have, uhm, any magic, or just not enough of it to… get in.” I trip over my words, I know how bogus my explanation sounds, and I got all freaked out trying to give him a decent explanation, no way he didn’t see it in my face. I’m sweating for merlin's sake!

“Really? Wow, can wizards have kids without magic?” 

“Yup,” I tell him, “they’re called squibs,”

“Sounds sort of rude,” He says, and in all honesty, I quite agree with him.

“Yeah, it does a bit now you mention it.” I slip down next to my bed, pulling out my trunk and digging through it for something to wear. I haven’t bothered to put anything in the dresser drawers provided, I’ve got this terrible feeling I won’t be here long enough anyway. 

“Yeah, lucky you aren’t one though,” yeah. Lucky me. “You been outside yet, besides care of magical creatures,”

“No, not really.” A lie, I was on my first night here. I pause for a second as I realize I’ll be going there again tonight, only this time I’ll be spending the night alone. I don’t like the boys in my dorm, but at least they’re company. 

“We should check them out, we’ve got all day and I finished my homework yesterday.” If you can call it homework, it was really just a bunch of preliminary familiarize yourself with the basic information associated with the classes. 

“Uh, maybe.” I mumble, pulling on a beige jumper.

“Common, it’ll be fun!” Tully pushes, I want to go with him. I should just do it, exploring the grounds with him won’t be dangerous, I need a friend. 

“Yeah, alright, give me a minute I’ll brush my teeth,”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s still warm, and the grounds roll on for ages. At the end of it all, behind Hagrid’s (which is a ways off from where we are), there's a dark forest, even from here it looks spooky, it’s probably filled with all sorts of magic.

“I heard there’s a massive squid in the lake,” Tully says, clearly eager to find out.

“Do you reckon it’s dangerous?”

“Nah, or they wouldn’t have let us cross the lake first night here,” I frown, I missed that. I never really thought about it, but all of the first years got to ride up together on the train. Then they got boat rides all the way to hogwarts. Why couldn’t I just be normal? 

“Yeah, probably won’t eat us then.” I try to laugh it off, but my questionable mood has just worsened. I’m normally irritable on changing days, but if I’m talking about normally, I’m normally at home alone in my room trying to ignore time as it slips by me. 

“Do you think it has? I mean, I’ve heard all sorts of crazy stories already and I’ve only been a wizard for like a week!” I don’t stop to tell him that he’s been a wizard his whole life, it wouldn’t matter anyway. He’s only known about it for a short while. 

“Don’t know, I was never really told much about Hogwarts,”

“You said your dad was a wizard?”

“He was, never talked about school though, or not much.”

“So we’re in this together then,”

“What?”

“Neither of us know very much, so we can learn it all together.” Together. I’ve never had a person to do together with. 

“Yeah, sure,” I try to sound as pleasant, enthusiastic as possible. I don’t know how well it worked. I like Tully, really I do. It’s, well, I don’t want close. I don’t want inseparable mates. Acquaintance? Yeah, maybe. 

“Fantastic!”

We spend the rest of the day walking around the grounds. We find a dozen cool spots to hang out in later, there’s this one spot just under the bridge which leads to the station. It’s a little divot where maybe half a dozen people could comfortably hide. We do make it all the way to the edge of the dark forest, but neither of us are brave enough to venture beyond a step in. Hagrid's hut is quite a nice looking place, very homie, we tried knocking but he must not have been home. 

I still can’t quite believe I’ve been given the chance to be here. It’s incredible. Even the clouds look whiter, fluffier. The air is crisper, it’s all so different from what I’ve grown up around. As if I had been in black and white and I’ve just stepped into color. 

By the time we head back it’s almost dark, and my heart lurches with a horrid sort of panic as I realize what tonight is. Not that I didn’t know, I did. But I’d forgotten. For the first time in my life I hadn’t been sitting alone all day dreading what's to come. Somehow it’s worse this way. 

Just as we reach the great hall, professor McGonagall starts walking towards us, me but that’s a technicality. 

“Good afternoon gentlemen,” she starts, looking very proper as she always does. “I require a personal word with Mr. Lupin.” Tully raises an eyebrow, wondering if I’m in trouble, I only shrug. Not willing to admit that I know exactly what I’m needed for. 

“If you’ll excuse us, Mr. Franks, that would be very kind.” Tully hurries to nod, and makes his way into the great hall. My stomach is churning, may as well be filled with rocks for how much it hurts. We make our way back out of the castle, closer and closer to that awful house. I still don’t understand why they’d give me a whole house to ruin. 

“Now, we’re getting a later start than was originally anticipated,” she gives me a harsh look, I lost track of time! It’s not like I’m turning as we speak, we’ve got time. “Your dinner will be there for you, I’ll get you through the branches, but you’ll have to walk there by yourself. Do you think you can manage?” Can I walk alone down a tunnel that only has one exit? Yes. Do I want to? Maybe not.

“Mr. Lupin?” I hadn’t realised she wanted an actual answer,

“Yeah, no, I’ll be alright. It’s fine.” We stop just out of reach of the willows massive branches, like clubs ready to obliterate us, 

“You can say no, Mr. Lupin.” Her words pull at my insides, I don’t want to feel warm or cared for, not tonight, it’ll only make it all harder.

“I don’t mind, really,” she doesn’t believe me, “I’ll be fine!” I hurry to assure her. 

“If you’re sure,” I nod. “Well then, Poppy, that is, Madam Pomfrey will be by in the morning to assess the ehm- situation. And we’ll take it from there.” She means assess the damage I’ll have done, but she’s too polite to say it. 

“Right.” The word jerks out of me too quickly, too rigid. But either she didn’t notice or she doesn’t want to face up to my fear. 

“Good, I’ll only be a moment,” I wait for her to turn into a cat, but she doesn’t, instead she turns to look at me face to face. “I know you haven’t been making friends with the other children,” she what? “And I am quite certain I know why.” She doesn’t know anything, I haven’t been around enough for anyone to know anything! And I was just hanging out with Tully, so technically, I am making friends. 

“I’m sure things were different for you back home. But you’re at Hogwarts now, and I as well as all informed staff members will and are doing everything in our power to get you the time and education you deserve.” informed staff member? So not everyone knows? “That means socialization with other students,” 

“I was-” 

“Yes I did notice you and Mr. Franks galavanting about the grounds, but I’ve been alive long enough to know that old habits die very hard.” I don’t know what that means, I’ve only been here a week, surely I don’t have noticeable habits yet. She sighs, and gives me a small smile, her eyes crinkling behind her spectacles. “All I mean to say, give people a chance to do the right thing before you make up your mind against them.” I don’t know what to say, or if there is in fact anything I can say. 

She shakes her a head a bit, then suddenly I’m standing next to a small tabby cat, which promptly bounds off towards the base of the willow. She’s graceful both as a human and a cat, but there's something especially stunning about watching her bound forwards, her cat body flexing underneath her shiny coat of fur. I’d give anything to be an animagus instead of a- a what I am.

When she stills and lets out a loud meow, I take a steady step forwards. Nothing happens so I hurry to the base of the tree, ducking down to crawl into the small hole between the roots at the base. After I get through I turn around and watch as Professor McGonagall starts running back out of reach. Leaving me alone. I know she just gave a speech about letting people in. But this is what I am, I have to live like this forever. I don’t get to try out trust with anyone I fancy, if I pick the wrong people to be vulnerable with my life is over, I don’t get chances, I get one. 

It’s easy to look from the outside and tell me to be friendlier, but she’ll never really get it, doesn’t matter that she means well, or that she wants the best for me. I don’t hold it against her, I can’t, she’s never been in this position so why would I expect her to understand? When she reaches the limits, she transforms back into the severe looking woman that she is. She glances back at the base of the willow, but I can’t make out her features from so far away, and I doubt she can see me from where I am. So we stare at each other without really seeing. Then she turns away, and I do the same, I wonder if she’ll be able to sleep with the guilt that will be consuming her tonight.

My mother never does on full moons, not when I’m home, this is the first one I’ve been away for, will she sleep with me gone? Is it just a huge relief that I’m no longer her problem? I know father will be pleased, he’s always disliked me, disliked being around me. Well screw him! Because I never liked being near him either! I don’t need either of them, I’m here now, I have this now, who needs a home? In fact, screw everyone who is alive right now, because for the next twelve hours they don’t exist, or if they do their existence is of no consequence to me!

Angry and a little bit upset, I head towards that stuoid house. It’s too big. I know I keep thinking about that, but it’s true. I only need a small little room to change in. One that isn’t pretty or filled with furniture. Surly if they bothered to make this tunnel they could have just dug a hole for me to suffer in. It would have felt more realistic, more sensible. Instead I have three floors and a basement to ravage. 

Walking into the house alone is so much worse than coming here with my mother, not just because tonight is a full moon, but because it’s even bigger with just me to fill it. I venture into the dining room, where, as promised, a meal is waiting on the table. It looks amazing. Mashed potatoes and I think steak. But I’m not hungry, I feel as though I’m about to be sick, I probably will be before the night is up. From here on out it’s a waiting game, when will the effect of the moon start? 

I take the time that I do have to look around a bit more, every room is just as ominously fancy as the one before. Dark wood and even darker decorations. Whoever did live here liked the dark, and books, the office is filled to the brim with all sorts of novels. I carefully shut the door to it, hoping that in my wild state I might spare this particular room, I think I’d like to read some of those books before I ruin them. 

I’ve been here an hour and a half by my guess, though I’m terrible at judging time without a clock. It starts as it always does. I feel as though I’m being stretched, my skin tightening over my bones. Flexing of its own accord, I grit my teeth, it hurts. Then the cracking starts. Even to me it’s loud, I hear it every moon cycle, but I still cringe and jump at the noise of my own bones rearranging inside of me. This is when it gets bad. Excruciatingly bad. I’m in a bedroom that looks hard to get a good night's rest in, holding in my cries of pain as I fumble about. 

The first scream that makes its way out of my mouth is caused by an especially loud tearing noise. I couldn’t tell you where exactly it came from on me, but it bloody hurt! The full change takes about thirty minutes. It starts off slow and then speeds up like mad, the process to be human again is just as painful, just as long if not longer. And the pain doesn’t just stop after I’ve gone full wolf, it continues throughout the whole night while I’m lashing out against everything I can find. Myself included. The whole process is exhausting on an indescribable level. And I have to do it again in about thirty days.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please Give Kudos, comment and follow! If you have any questions or suggestions, please let me know!


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